I have had a bit of a difficult time lately. My boss at the theatre went on paternity leave. As a result, I’ve been working one evening during the week in addition to my regular Saturday shift. Things are going well at my writing job. I’m doing more and want to do a better job at my tasks. The problem is that with all the work, I feel like I have much less time to myself. When I come home, I’m tired and I don’t feel like doing anything. This includes both social activities with friends and tasks I need to get done. You know, like journal entries. Since I typically do very little as the end of the evening approaches, I end up going to bed far too late because I don’t want to feel as if I’ve wasted the day. Of course I still end up doing next to nothing in the extra time I stay awake.
The next day I’m a bit more tired, and the cycle repeats. Of course it’s my own fault, but it’s a really easy cycle to fall into.
While it’s not exactly bizarre, part of the reason this is happening is because I know it will end soon and be even better than before it started. The reason it will be better is because I gave notice at the theatre. I decided May 24 is the last day I’m available to work there. I gave notice four weeks ago and have three to go.
I moved to Ottawa to work at the theatre. After I left my full-time job there, I’ve returned three times to work part-time. The theatre’s been good to me and there is no way I will leave on bad terms if there is any way I can help it. I joked that I gave plenty of notice because I’ll want to go back sooner or later. It’s also not totally a joke. Why would I throw away an option I might want to take advantage of sometime in the future? And besides, I like the people at the theatre.
You’d think my knowing the extra shifts will soon come to an end would make it easier to cope in the meantime, but it hasn’t worked out this way. It’s as if the looming end has given me a sense of urgency. I’m looking so incredibly forward to having two-day weekends, every weekend. Now, I only have two-day weekends when there’s a holiday.
Elevating my stress levels is a nagging fear that perhaps there’s more to it than just working too much. What the hell am I going to do if the stress doesn’t go away when I have so much more time to myself?