In a struggle to be happy and free

Drystone Wall

Time to earn your pay

All this time
I’ve been workin’ them angels overtime
Riding and diving and flying
Just over the edge

“Workin’ Them Angels”
Snakes and Arrows

You can pull something of value from adversity. You just have to want to. Be willing to find it. Find it.

Adversity can also cause one to think about the larger picture. There are a lot of things in our lives that we have no control over. All the same, we in the West have remarkable control over our own destinies. So much of what we complain about is meaningless. We could change a lot of it, if we’d just stop complaining.

I thought about what I do with my time. What I saw did not please me. In fact, it makes me very unhappy. I work five days a week, and usually spend one weekday evening doing something social with friends. On the weekend, I may do something social on one of the two days. This means I spend one or both days at home by myself. What the hell am I doing?

I’m not in a relationship right now, but what are the chances of getting into one if I stay home all the time? Over the past few months I have been thinking that it would be nice to meet some new people, but how likely is this? Not very.

Yesterday, I drove in to work listening to music. I almost always listen to CBC Radio One, but yesterday it was Rush’s Snakes and Arrows instead. I sang (poorly) the lyrics that appear at the beginning of this entry and thought, “what about my angels?” They’ve had it easy for a long time. Too easy. Too long. Not that I’m looking to start risking my life to get a thrill, but come on. I should at least get out of the house more often.

This morning the music was louder. I drove faster. I sang louder, and I didn’t care who saw me. And I decided things are going to change. I got to my desk and I thought of a first step. I’m going rock climbing. I explained my decision process to Jessica in an e‑mail message, this way:

To my mind came this very profound and meaningful thought: “Fuck it.”

I’ve never been rock climbing. It’s something I’ve long thought would be fun. Every year or two I think of it again. So what am I waiting for?

I’m not going to tread the edge, nor go over it, but I’ve been too far away from it. I’m going to get out and go rock climbing. This is my first small step in enjoying more living and not merely existing.

Fuck it.


I wish I had one more life


Roof party!

1 Comment

  1. Dee

    That’s great, Rick! I hope yo have a wonderful time rock climbing. It’s inspirational to read about others embracing life.

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