Kendra came over tonight to watch last Sunday’s Weeds. It was an odd episode, but that’s not what I’m going to talk about now. We had 90 minutes to burn while waiting for the season premier of Law & Order: Special Victim’s Unit so we decided to talk. She also played some Trism, and we asked some questions of the magic 8‑ball.

I know the magic 8‑ball is just an amusement built on a mechanism (or software, as is the case for the iPod Touch application) that returns a random result. This doesn’t diminish how amusing it can be, especially with some of the more bizarre results. I enjoy trying to explain a sequence of events that could make the predictions possible. Regardless, it can be fun even though we know full-well it’s not real.

So for your amusement, here are some of the predictions delivered by the all-knowing magic 8‑ball:

  • My car will not be totalled before I pay it off. I asked because my 1992 Honda Accord was wrecked with just a few months of payments remaining.
  • The outlook is good for my having children of my own. Excellent.
  • I will have kids through marriage. I didn’t ask if I will someday get married, but this answer indicates I will. Excellent all around.
  • I will someday see Kendra naked. She seemed quite surprised at this answer. I imagine she’ll be even more surprised when it happens.
  • I will have sex with Julie Bowen. She was a guest star in the Law & Order episode we watched.
  • Kendra will have sex with Luke Perry. He was a guest star in the Law & Order episode we watched.
  • I will be having sex tomorrow (Sunday). I quickly followed up with a question on whether any of this alleged sex will be of the dirty variety, and the answer was positive. Is Julie Bowen in town this weekend, by any chance? If she shows up at my door, I’m pulling her inside.
  • I will someday dress in a French maid costume for my partner. I’m hoping it’s because I lose a bet rather than because the woman I’m with likes this kind of thing. I know. Don’t go there, okay?

Yes, these are the kinds of questions we ask…