You’re dumped

I received a card in the mail yesterday. It was sent to my address, but the addressee was simply ‘Resident.’ How warm and personal. I was curious so I opened it.

The photo on the front of the card shows a young boy sitting on a park bench, absolutely forlorn. The text reads, “Something’s still missing. You.” I opened it and was amused to find that it was from Rogers. They want me back as a cable customer. Both Bell and Rogers are acting like needy dumped girlfriends, for goodness sakes. I wrote Bell yesterday asking them to stop sending me stuff. I may do the same with Rogers. We broke up for a reason!

It’s very difficult to get an ad right. I like the idea of the card and the photo is well suited for it. The problem is with the copy inside. The first paragraph makes me feel a bit uncomfortable:

The longer we spend away from each other, the more we’d like to have you back. To show you that we miss you more than ever, here’s an exclusive bonus just for you.

One can take an amusing analogy too far. With this paragraph, they’ve gone from an ex who wants me back, to an unstable ex who wants me back. And the exclusive bonus is just for me? Sorry honey, you say that to all the guys. When a relationship falters, fixing it requires communication and compromise. All I’m getting is a present, and I’ll surely be ignored again afterwards. No thanks.

At this point they drop the ‘relationship’ joke, but the ad copy is problematic if you think in a certain way … which I seem to. It says:

Get 25% OFF select Rogers Digital TV packages for the first 6 months! That’s a total value of up to $234.54!

They want you to believe you’ll save a fortune so they apply a dollar value to the savings if you choose the most expensive applicable package. My first thought was, “Hmmm, that’s a big saving!”

My second thought was, “Wait a second. If $235 is a savings of 25%, I’ll still be paying 75%. That’s three times as much, so three times $235 is $705 for the first six months! And after the first six months, the discount expires, so I’ll be paying four times as much. Four times $235 is $940 for the second six month! For the first year it’s $1645 and $1880 for subsequent years, ignoring any increases, which will certainly be hard to ignore.” I’m far better off with my current savings: 100%.

No wonder they want me back.

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