In a struggle to be happy and free

Drystone Wall

Goodbye Mom

I’ve had such a difficult time even contemplating writing about this even though most of you already know. My mother died on May 14.

She had a number of health issues plaguing her in her final years. It came to the point that she was under palliative care at home for the last month (or so) of her life. In fact, in addition to the twice daily visits from caretakers, she was scheduled to have a nurse come to spend the nights with her to take care of her. The nurse was to start the night of May 15, so that didn’t happen.

When my father died some years ago, Mom told me that he was lucky because he went very quickly. He rode his bicycle to get the mail on Friday and was dead Monday. She said it wouldn’t be so easy for her. I’m glad that she was largely wrong. She died in her own bed at home. If how she looked was any indication, it was a very peaceful departure because the next morning, I peeked in on her and thought she was sleeping in. Only when I tried to wake her for her medicine an hour later, was I shocked to find her cold to the touch.

Mom and I, quite some time ago.

Many years ago she told me, with a hint of apology in her voice, that I would be the one to find her. She was right.

In the time since then, my sister and I have dealt with almost the entirety of her estate, including emptying her home. It was more work than I could have imagined. It was more difficult than I would have ever imagined. I continued to live in her home for three months after she died and that was not good. There wasn’t a moment I wasn’t reminded of her, and while I certainly won’t ever forget her, being submerged in it was not good for my mental well-being.

I’ve since moved in with my fiancée and things have improved for me a great deal. That’s not to say that the grieving is over, because it’s not. I miss her so much and I don’t think that will ever change. She was my mother. She gave me life. I love her and I always will.


Best heater ever!


So when I was a kid…


  1. Kelly

    Rick if it were not for your mother (and father) we would never have met you. She left the world with some wonderful treasures for the rest of us to enjoy. I know it’s tough. My mom left only a month before yours and I think of her so often, I talk to her and say good night to her. I know she is at peace and I’m sure your mother is too. You can do this Rick, she was so lucky to have had you back for so many years under the same roof. It was precious time for both of you. Keep those memories alive. Sending hugs!!!

  2. Stacey

    Thank You for sharing❤️


  3. Dee

    Oh my, what a loss indeed. It is never easy to lose a parent, much less so when you’ve been the one living in and offering support as their health deteriorated. What a wonderful bond of love you gave her right to the end. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve literally moved out and now live with your fiancée. Life is a mix of difficult endings and happy beginnings. My heart goes out to you, Rick. My mom died in the summer of 2016 and this is the time of year — near her birthday — when I miss her most. While the grieving never really ends, the waves of grief generally get less forceful and more spread out.

  4. Juliet

    Rick. Sincerest condolences once again. Writing about it is part of grieving. My mom will have been gone for 3 years at the end of this month. I still think of her daily, wishing I could just talk with her. I still read the eulogy I wrote for her funeral and am thankful for all the gifts she gave me, big and small. It does get easier with time but there will always be some sadness because of the love you (still) have for her.

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