I can’t be sure it was grade five but it feels like it was.

Some of my classmates and I decided to play baseball at recess. The large yard beside the school was occupied by most of the children doing various activities so we went to the smaller empty yard in front of the school. How I got to be the pitcher, I don’t remember. Given the small size of the yard, I had to stand uncomfortably close to the batter and I didn’t like this at all. The best thing I could think of was to turn around after I threw the ball. At least I wouldn’t be hit in the face.

The one of the class athletes took the bat. Now I was even more afraid, especially given that we were using a hardball. I pitched and quickly turned. There bat cracked and a split second later, all I could see was white. I don’t recall when I realized it, but the ball hit me square in the back of the head. By the time my vision returned, I was off to the side of the yard, perhaps six metres away. One of my classmates likened me to a Timex watch because I took a licking and kept on ticking. I was still dizzy though I seem to have managed to walk to the side of the yard, perhaps with help, without falling.

Back in those days, if you had a mishap and remained conscious, weren’t bleeding too badly, and had no broken bones, you were all right and the game continued. I seemed okay and I recall we didn’t even tell any adults. Why would we? The game did continue but without me.

The only after effect, and I can’t even be certain that it was related, is for the next 20 or 30 years, I would occasionally have my vision fill with white and clear a few seconds later. I would also get partially dizzy and have to stop moving to avoid falling. This would happen with varying frequency but it never happened more than once every month or two. By the time I was 16, I was worried about what would happen if these ‘whiteouts’ ever happened while I was driving, but they never did.

I don’t think they happen any more, but I can’t be totally sure. I do recall more recent similar occurrences where I feel a bit dizzy for a few seconds, but I don’t lose my vision. These happen even less often.

Surely there is nothing to be gained by pursuing it now, but I really do wonder what effect it had. With all the recent talk of how head injuries and concussions are far more serious than we realized, I’m certain it did affect me but I can’t be sure how serious it was.

I wonder how things might have been different if I had decided against baseball that day, long ago.